all we ever wanted
by JacksonFrost
Summary: It's been six years and they're both happy, they both got the life they both wanted.  so why do they feel this empty inside?  JamesNarcissa


_I haven't published anything here in months, but here goes. Please review! xx_

* * *

><p><strong><em>all we ever wanted<em>**

* * *

><p>The diamond sparkles and shines as Narcissa moves her hand, and James can't stop staring at it. He looks up just in time to see Narcissa's slight frown marring her pretty face. "Potter," she says, pursing her lips.<p>

"You're marrying him?" James asks neutrally, shifting back and forth on his feet.

Narcissa nods slightly. "I heard you're going out with Evans now."

"I love her," James says staunchly and watches as the careful mask on her face slips just a bit.

"Good," Narcissa says, recovering quickly. "And I love Lucius."

James smirks meanly. "Sure." He's turning to go when Narcissa makes a small sound.

"James," she says, almost desperately. "You're not going to tell anyone about…us, are you?"

James considers remaining silent, but her cool gray eyes are staring at him, sucking him in, and he's powerless to do anything but lightly touch her silky hair and whisper _no, no, I promise._

**x.x.x.x**

And then he's watching her sparkle and shine on the television as she poses next to her new husband, in a _prettypretty_ dress and a _happyhappy_ smile. Cameras flash and Narcissa throws back her head, gaily laughing as she accepts Lucius' kiss.

Lily makes a small derisive sound besides him. "A bit showy, I think," she says, with an expression that makes it very clear exactly _what_ she thinks. "Not that I'd expect anything else from Narcissa and Lucius."

James looks away from the television and smiles at her. "You don't want a camera crew at our wedding?" he asks, laughing slightly as he grabs her hand, his finger grazing the diamond adorning it.

"Do I look like Narcissa Black to you?" Lily asks, giggling slightly, and James laughs and kisses her and flips off the television.

**x.x.x.x**

Then it's a whirl of war and terror and chaos, and James is balancing Auror duties and Daddy duties, and doing a damn good job of it, if you ask him. But no one ever asks him, and Lily's not so happy anymore, and it's not so cute when she gets mad at him (which seems to happen more and more).

"I don't think this is the life I expected," James tells his firewhiskey bottle, late one night.

Sirius looks up and grins at him tiredly. "Mate, none of us expected this."

**x.x.x.x**

And then he's taking Harry out for a few hours each afternoon, to give Lily a break (and to give himself a break from Lily's complaints, if he's being honest).

He's watching Harry make a mess with ice cream one day, when he feels a light presence at his shoulder. Her face is a little more tired, a little more world-weary, but she's still beautiful and James smiles. "Narcissa."

She shifts nervously, adjusting the watching baby in her arms, but her eyes are alight with memories. "James."

"How are you?" he asks, remembering all that he's heard about Lucius and her entire family, and trying to reconcile that with the 16-year-old girl she once was, with her eyes sparkling like she could tell you all the secrets in the world.

"I'm fine," Narcissa says, somewhat stiffly. "This is my son, Draco, as I'm sure you've heard about."

"Can't say I have," James lies, and watches as her eyes flash. "But tell me, how does his daddy manage to stay out of Azkaban? He's actually my personal project as an Auror."

"You would break up a family who has done nothing wrong, only believe in another side of things?" Narcissa asks coldly, and James thinks her ice queen act is even more real than it was in sixth year.

"Nothing wrong?" James asks blandly. "I think many, many people would beg to differ."

"What people?" Narcissa asks airily.

James shrugs at her. "All those Muggle victims. And apparently Lucius has started moving onto Muggle-borns, or so my reports say."

"Again," Narcissa starts, her voice sickly sweet. "What people?"

James glares at her. "Save the pureblood power crap for someone else, Narcissa. I don't need my son hearing that filth."

Narcissa smiles tightly at Harry, who's obliviously sucking his ice cream-covered thumb. "Oh, I forgot. His mummy is a Mudblood, isn't she?" James stands up at that, and Narcissa smiles at him, amused. "Are you going to hit me, James? Can I at least put Draco down, or do you plan on attacking us both?"

"Don't toy with me, Narcissa," James growls, scooping up his son. "It's been _great_ catching up with you. I'm sure I'll be seeing you again soon- preferably in court, while you watch your husband be dragged away to Azkaban."

He storms out of the ice cream shop, leaving Narcissa standing behind him, and Godric, it's been six years and she still has this effect on him.

**x.x.x.x**

He runs into her months later when there are no babies to act as buffers. "James," she says, smiling up at him, her arms full of shopping bags. "Fancy running into you again."

"Fancy," James says drily. "And I'd love to stay and chat but I really need to get going."

"Wait," Narcissa blurts awkwardly. "Would you just- come with me, talk with me for a second?" He hesitates for a second and she smiles and darts into an alley. "Here seems private enough."

James follows her warily. "Should I be going into a dark alley with Narcissa Malfoy?"

Narcissa giggles. "Is the top-notch Auror scared? Of me?"

"I don't know what you're capable of anymore," James says coolly.

This silences Narcissa and she stares at him, her gray eyes hurt. And then she's kissing him, like nothing ever happened, like it's still Narcissa Black and James Potter in the broom closet and they're still young and naïve and think that nothing can ever hurt them.

James pulls away, not looking at her. "Clearly, we can add adultery to what you're now capable of."

"James," Narcissa says pleadingly, and she was never supposed to be this desperate, this attached.

"Hey," he says callously. "This is what we wanted, right? You have your fairy-tale life, the mansion, the pureblood husband, the baby."

"You know the stylish thing now is to have an affair on the side," Narcissa half-jokes feebly.

James ignores her. "And me? I have my successful career as an Auror. I have Lily. And now Harry. And that's what I wanted."

"I'm happy for you," Narcissa says softly. "I didn't want to derail your life."

"You didn't want to-" James breaks off angrily and grabs her, kissing her roughly. And then he's pulling away again, swearing under his breath.

"James," Narcissa says calmly.

James looks up. "How is it that it's been six years and you can still drive me insane?"

Narcissa smiles, a bit sadly. "If things were different..."

"If I was Black-approved…"

"If you weren't so obsessed with Evans…"

"If you didn't have such horrible beliefs…"

"I think we would be good together, yeah?" Narcissa asks, looking up at him hopefully.

"Yeah," James admits, reaching out and pulling a tendril of her golden hair playfully.

She frowns predictably, but then smiles brilliantly. "I'll see you, James."

James smiles back and nods and watches her flounce away, remembering the sixteen year old girl she once was, the one that was surprisingly more than just a pretty face and a diamond engagement ring, the one that could seduce him with nothing more than a glittery smile and a look into her eyes.

**x.x.x.x**

She never sees him again. She glances at the newspaper one morning and calmly goes upstairs and burns Lucius' dark robes, the ones with unexplained tatters and blood stains. And then she wakes up Draco and stands there with him for a moment, letting her tears soak into his baby-soft hair.

She hears Lucius storming into the house and quickly dries her eyes, takes a deep breath, and goes downstairs to help sort out her life. _And this is what we wanted, right?_


End file.
